The Extreme Tour,

Tiffany Granados

I feel as if I wont make the deadline being it is tomorrow so I wrote the team and explained my reasons. I will send a copy so that you can see my reasons for wanting this so bad.

Tiffany Granados <*****@****.***>

11:20 AM (18 minutes ago)

to Extreme Tour

Wow! I have been so busy trying to catch up in school because due to everything else that has been going on in my hectic life I didnt realize how much time has gone by. I didnt realize that today was the 15th and i have been so off track that I could just honestly sit back and cry right now. It amazes me at how much more of a failure i become everyday and cant seem to get anything right. First off my significant other was sentenced to 22 months state jail and things just went downhill from there. I became a mess and basically gave up on life and headed straight to a dark place. I wouldnt eat or sleep and I cried almost all day and night trying to figure out what I was going to do alone because i havent been alone in 5 years. Some time passes and i become this evil person full of hate and not caring about failing out of school or doing anything with my life. I stopped making music and speaking to anyone at all. I just recently maybe 2 to 3 weeks ago beat depression and have found the light again. I got on my knees and cried begging God to take me back and to forgive me for telling him I hated him and for trying to walk with him but holding hands with the devil. I begged him to help me, to show me the way and asked him what my purpose was here because I felt as if I was just living to die. I honestly hit the most bottom ever when it comes to rock bottom. I have lost so much within these past couple of months than I have in the past few years and its scary when you think about how life can change from one day to another. Its not that I was putting any of this off intentionally, honestly life just got in the way and there was no putting it on pause or even trying to avoid it. Depression is ugly and isnt a joke at all. I cried for help, screamed even but no one heard me or seemed to even care. I was alone well I am alone and I had to accept the fact that alone or not I have to get back up and try again. I'm so sorry I'm such a screw up and forgot well not forgot but thought I had more time to be ready for this. I wish more than anything just to be there and get a chance to change my life but how. I cant even get a job to support myself all I have right now is school and messing that up would mean no future for me. I'm afraid though that if I dont go to this event that I will look like a total waste of time to important people but with pure honesty from the bottom of my heart I am a huge mess right now but have been slowly trying to correct all my mistakes and put myself back together piece by broken piece. Maybe its just not in the cards right now and God has something much bigger in store for me, but I could not apologize more for doing this right now. I cant afford to make it there the day before heck I wouldnt have been able to last week. I had to appeal the schools decision on keeping me enrolled because I had missed more than 18 days straight of classes and I wrote a mind blowing essay so heartfelt and honest they sided with me and gave me the opportunity to show that I was willing to do whatever it took to get my work caught up and continue to pursue my dream as a music producer and graduate instead of letting it all go to waste. I apologize for not being able to attend but me and depression just dont ever get anything right. In 2012 I tried to commit suicide due to depression and twice before that in my earlier days. The incident in 2012 would have ended me, I almost succeeded in taking my own life when airlifted to the nearest trauma E.R. I died in mid air for a few minutes but was revived by a nurse whom was a school teacher of mine back in middle school. When i arrived at the hospital I wouldnt come out of having seizures and they told my family to prepare for the worst when I woke up because I probably wouldnt be myself and that I could possibly be a vegetable. I woke up that next day and cried once I seen the faces of the people who loved me, when the main reason I wanted to take my life was because I felt as if no one at all loved me. I have been through so much in my life and have struggled so much that I am getting tired of feeling like im almost there to get pushed back further than when I began. Life is hard and even though people say you have to fight for what you want or that if you really want it you wont let nothing get in the way. That's bologna, because what I consider something getting in the way that could alter your life in a split second is losing someone you love and not just to death but anyway at all. Watching the people who claim to love you and would support you through out everything turn their back on you and throw dirt on your name for actually trying to do something with my life instead of run the streets with them looking for another way to rob and steal money to chase that next high. I have come a long way from the hoodlum I was many many years ago and if I could just have the ability to have the support needed for all this to get me somewhere instead of people laughing at me or telling me I am wasting my time on music, I think I would already be up there. I am alone when it comes to my dreams. I have no emotional or moral support from anyone around me. I get a good job here and there or wow ur very talented but as far as anything else nope its just me. Right now all I need is God to tell me that he has me and that he will take care of me and that one day I will find my way and never look back. Please dont ever forget me or my story because this is only bits and pieces of it. What I have been through in my life would make one heck of a movie and i can promise you there is no movie out there like the life I have lived. Thank you all for believing that I could be useful on this tour and make a difference in peoples lives. I honestly 100% no that I would have because I do so much of helping others before myself it adds to my struggle. I have way to much heart and can not stand to see someone hurting or suffering that I give my last just to see a smile or to help the struggle. Wish I could have met everyone and I hope this doesnt hurt me anymore than what I am already hurting when it comes to my career choice. I honestly thought I was gonna be there and was so excited about it. Hope all goes well and good luck to those who make it and I am proud of everyone that is getting a chance to be apart of this tour. Next year will be different and I will definitely have it right. Love you all and God Bless!!!